“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway” John Wayne

"Rodeo Cowgirl"

I had a fork thrown in my road since my last post.

 I have silly health bits. Nothing I was too worried about.

Dizziness and ear popping had become quite bad. So before our last trip to the homeland I asked a Doctor, worried about my popping ears on a 10 hour flight.

Thinking I’d get some big drugs for popping ears. No. He said ‘ooh exciting….maybe a brain tumour‘.

 So back to my last post, The NHS could be a blog in itself.  So I have battled the NHS

for MRI’s and blood tests.

Spending romantic nights on the couch cuddled up to Dr Google.  Twisting his ear about crazy high ESR rates, high inflammation, and chance rates with cancer.

How to get the NHS to think like a mother. Thinking like a mother…. scary to think like a mother when tumor has been mumbled by a doctor.

Webs'r'us

So Dr Google and I have as backup plans researched self-healing, food as cure. I have eaten ginger, beets and turmeric. My ESR has dropped.

Yesterday nearly 6 months after it was first mentioned. 3 months after my appointment with a specialist. Month and half after my MRI.  I had a doctor finally say my brain is clear. No tumours, no MS. Blood tests have said other cancers should not be a worry.

I’ve spent the past months holding my babies worried I might not be lucky enough to have them slam doors in my face in 13 years.

  Oddly my Forking thoughts were never far behind.

No body could have convinced me of the absurd love I would have for my children before they were sprouts inside my tummy.

But this restaurant in my head has been clear since I remember. I’ve scouted locations since I was 4. Yes 4. I was talking my idea with an acquaintance. He said ‘Bit early to choose locations don’t you think?’   All I could do was giggle.

I can taste the fork. I can feel it so close now. 40 years of wanting.

I am not a religious person. I am a spiritual person.

The past few months have been my test from beyond.

How hard will I work for this? Is it the best thing for my family?

How big can my life dream be? How do my babies fit into this picture?

Can I be a great Mom and a great manager?

Can I be a great life partner to my husband and a great restaurant owner?

This test, this fork in the road has brought me to the realisation that I have to try.

I have to jump into this Forking dream with all my passion and love. My family needs this.

I can not spend my life wondering if my passion could’ve been discovered.

I could sell a million towels, tyres or tomatoes for someone else.

I would die wondering if I could have built a happy Forking existence for others to enjoy.

 So with a clean heart (and brain) and a heavy slate of passion and plans.

Here we go. I will spend a few hours a week on business plan.

I will schedule appointments with the bank to find out what to do in the next 3 years to make my self more appetising as a financial investment.

My Brain on MRI

My Brain on MRI (Photo credit: CaptPiper)

I will write up menus, floor plans, recipes.

I will consult those wiser than me. I’m blessed to know chefs, Pub landlady’s, and business people.

I will ask people what they want from their Forkful.

I will do my best to keep you updated on this crazy process. I feel clear and ready.

I’m still dizzy. It does not worry me like it did. I’ll just need to design the kitchen so I don’t have to carry large pots of boiling hot food across the kitchen.

So if you do not follow me….Please follow me. Share me. Write me. Share with me.

 It’s all good. For your sincere loyalty you will be first on our opening night guest list.

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“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone

It may seem as though I have slipped off the face of the earth.

I would love to say it was in respect for my last post.

Stopping censorship and retaining Freedom of speech are crucial to our world today.

I fear the changes I see happening in my homeland.

Pink sky at night

The irony is that I now happily live in England. The land my family left for the freedom America offered. The 2 maybe  closing in on one another.

  This subject could easily be a blog in itself.

However I have new reasons why I can not visit this blog as often as I would like. More about this in a bit…

So I will occasionally throw in a bit here and there about my other love…Politics.

But mostly I want to get back on track. Sort out all these forking thoughts I have about food and my wish to bring it to others.

So you may notice it’s exactly a year since my last post. Some symbolism there. Thoughts about a year in silence….

PEACE

Not Quite. I have been very busy. Not just creating amazing plates of food thinking of satisfying my café guests one day. Not just creating new recipes using fresh creative ingredients.

I have been very busy creating a baby brother for my beautiful amazing EllaBee.

My body felt the challenge more than last time. Possibly all to aware of what it is doing. Going through.

I have scary pregnancies. Almost die, barely move 10 feet pregnancies. The first time I did not know this…the second I did. I was as ready as possible.

My first pregnancy I was lucky to survive with 10 pulmonary embolism‘s.

I spent the 1st year of EB‘s life being told ‘No More’. Then a year on my amazing hematologist finally broke down and said I was possibly stubborn enough to survive another.

I have the NHS to thank for my 2 amazing kids and my life. The NHS has its troubles… a whole other blog. But it IS better than nothing.

I wanted my baby girl to have a sibling.

It has been an important relationship to both my husband and I.

So now she’s got her baby brother, or ‘brudder’ as she says. Griff Bee, GB for short. He’s as wonderful as I could have ever dreamed of. Just like his big sister.

So here I am back…ish. I have intentions to grab this bull by the horns. Baby and 3-year-old allowing. I know how quickly this 3 years will speed by.  I am looking at this time as pre pre prep. Like taking folic acid…incase you get knocked up. I need to be ready.

I have built  business plans in my head for decades. NO honestly decades.

Since my sisters and I would play cafe.

I have tweaked it with every meal out and every restaurant visited.

I have one in my head for if some sweet sweet person wanted to drop a gazillion pounds in my lap.

I have one for making soup and homemade garlic and cheese biscuits in my kitchen  to sell at the market.

One for every version in between. I have a chain of forks in my head perfectly suited to university towns and seaside resorts.

A brew pub, we do not brew we are the first to bring the small guys together, here in Lil’ ol’ England.

I have images of flooring and art, tables and glasses.

It is out of control. So this year is the year of the business plan.

To get these babies on the plate… oh I meant paper.

So if I run into that gazillonaire….

I can give them something to clench their teeth into.

Something they just want another mouthful of….

you know how it is not wanting the mouthful to end……

Welcome back hopefully this is the forkfull you’ve been missing!

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
George Bernard Shaw

If you have followed my sisters blog, Step On a Crack, you know our family has its history. I come from a family where turmoil and anxiety is a way of living.

I have been blessed in my life. My sister and I have risen above. Our bond will not be severed. We have been able to redefine family.

I have been blessed in my life. I have married a nearly perfect family.

My husband has one sister. They have never fought. Well not enough to remember it the next day.

My mother in law and father in law are still deeply in love. You see it when they look at on another. They tease one another and adore one another.

My English family are able to laugh, smile and joke  in any situation. We have had family deaths and challenges since I joined “The Firm”. Their relationship to challenges is refreshing. I am not sure if this is what a ‘normal’ family is. But it is nice and refreshing.

So this brings me to an apology. I had my lovely In Laws down this past week. Best intentions. I had a few posts nearly ready but time slipped away. I again slipped of the face of Blearth. Blog=Earth.

I am back.

Refreshed from watching my daughters grandparents adore every second with her. They love her to bits and pieces. Maybe as much as I do.

She woke up this morning and went straight to the guest room. She came back crying for Nan-nan and Pop-Pop.
So we made pancakes for breakfast.
Had some cuddles.
Now she has a friend over for a play date.
My husband is monitoring 2-year-old nearly fights. I smell the fresh brewed coffee and am thinking of a nice french onion soup for dinner. The laundry is on starting the play catch up from the busy week.
We had some lovely meals this week. Some I will share with you.
Casa Pepe, our favourite local resteraunt.
My P in Laws had their 38 the Anniversary dinner there on Thursday. There 4th consecutive Anniversary dinner there
It is where we go for all our special occasions.
Opened in 1974 they are perfect at what they do…. more about that later.
Ok… off to slice some onions. Slow, low and long that’s what French onion soup wants. Hope to see you tomorrow.